I don't know the meaning of all things

I hugged my kids extra long tonight.  I'm sure many other parents felt the same way.  Senseless and shocking events remind us to slow down and be present in the moment and grateful for the chance to really focus on the people we love.  When I tucked Joseph(the age of the children affected in the most recent horrible school shooting) in bed, I hugged him and couldn't let go.  I memorized the way he felt and smelled and looked.  And I felt so sad for parents who couldn't do the same tonight.  When the goodnight hug finally ended, Joseph said, "Well, that was long." And I tried to explain that I am just so grateful I get to hug and love my kids.   

Today there was terrible violence in a school.  A few days ago a gunman entered one of our local malls and opened fire, killing two. I feel so sad. These stories feel very frightening and confusing.  How can someone feel so much hate and desire to perpetrate such evil?  How did they choose to BE so evil?  What is happening in our society which encourages these behaviors?  Why do we not act when bloody, gratuitous violence is constantly glorified in TV shows, movies, and video games?  What happened to teaching and supporting values in the homes and (dare I say) in the schools, on TV, and in society? 

These things have been on my mind a lot lately, and I don't have any answers.  In a talk to youth after the shootings in Columbine, John Bytheway quoted Nephi from the Book of Mormon:

"Early in the Book of Mormon, an angel asks Nephi a tough question, “Knowest thou the condescension of God?” Nephi answers, “I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things” (1 Nephi 11:16–17). Nephi’s answer is a perfect statement for us to remember in times of trial. We don’t know the meaning of all things. We don’t have all the answers to explain all the tragedies in the world and in our own neighborhoods. However, we know, we are sure, that God loves His children."

I agree.  I do not know the meaning of these things, and I don't think there is an easy answer.  It feels like there is an increase in the violence and evil in the world. I don't know why terrible things happen to innocent people and families.  But I do know that God loves us and grieves with us and for us.  

This last Monday, before this latest round of violence, I was talking to some friends about some of the crazy things we see in the world around us.  As we discussed it, I realized with surprise that my underlying emotion when I think about the world we live in isn't generally fear (although I felt plenty fearful today and wondered if I should pull my kids out of school and home school them in a commune in the wilderness somewhere).  

Instead, I usually feel resolved and determined, and maybe focused.  I feel validation that what I am doing is important.  I can't control the poor choices taking place around me, but I can make my home a sanctuary from them.  I can make sure the gospel of peace - the gospel of Jesus Christ -  is taught in my home.  And what I am doing in my home is more needed now than at any time in the past because the world is an increasingly wicked place.    

So, that is how I am handling all the sad and confusing news today.  I am sad to my very core for all the families dealing with tragedies. So sad that it's all I can think about today.  And I am determined to raise children who understand about morals and values and who understand that they can choose to live in a way which can bring them peace and confidence, even when there is very little peace in the world around us.  

Ever since I was little, my favorite Christmas hymn has been "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day", written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.  It's a very poignant poem/song written by a man who knew much of sadness and unfairness after his wife died in a tragic accident (her dress caught fire and she died of her burn injuries) and his son was grievously injured in the Civil War.  I think it rings very true today as well.  Maybe especially today.
 

And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men."

Oh Christmas Tree ....

We live in the heart of the tree growing capital of the western United States.  There is a lot of pressure to take advantage of the many cut-your-own tree farms. Trees at the farms are quite inexpensive and it is a unique experience to meander around a tree farm to find the perfect tree.  It kind of makes you think of sleigh rides in the snowfall and Rudolph and Santa and all that.  Well . . .. except for the fact that we generally get rain except of snow.  In 2010, when Brandon was home from college for Thanksgiving, we drove a few miles down the road to get our tree at one of these farms. Follow this link to the story.

I would have to say, though, that we are always kind of torn when it comes time to make the decision about artificial vs. real tree.

Real trees smell so good and feel very authentic and loyal to Washington/Oregon.  But, real trees tend to die quickly on us, despite our best efforts to keep them watered (and sometimes fall over and make a big mess).  And, they drop needles all over our books under the tree. And, the truth is that it's not that fun to look for a tree in the rain, trudging through the mud.  Oh, and Dan would want me to include the fact that kneeling in the mud, with rain coming down hard, trying to saw the trunk of our chosen tree is not very fun either. And then dragging it to the car in the rain.  And bringing it into the house in the rain.

On the other hand, artificial trees are consistently pretty, have branches that can be manipulated to hold ornaments better, and don't require a special trip in the rain.  Oh, and they don't topple over or dry out or drop needles on my books.  But, it does seem kind of silly to use an artificial tree when we literally live within 20 minutes of dozens of tree farms. And the Costco artificial tree we bought eons ago is looking pretty sad and has approached the end of its natural life. About half the pre-lit lights don't light anymore, and it has to be wired together at certain junctures.  Dan actually refused to put it together again this year.

So, we made the bold move to go for the real tree again. This was especially bold given the fact that Dan and I both got sick with a bad cold shortly after Thanksgiving, and we were pretty miserable during the tree acquisition process.  We decided to go for it  halfway - real fresh-cut tree purchased from a tree lot.

Near Joseph's school is a super cute store called the "Felida Red Barn."  It is an old red barn converted to a charming gift shop.  And I noticed that they had a small tree lot there.  So, the first Monday in December we loaded up the family, donned our Santa hats, and headed to the tree lot at the Red Barn.  It was perfectly charming! We stopped first to get some photos:

 

 Getting Joseph to stay serious long enough for the picture is not an easy task . . .

 The tree lot had lovely trees, all freshly cut that morning.  We had a hard time deciding.

Aubrey liked this one:

Bailey liked this one:

And Joseph couldn't decide.

With a little negotiation, we gave the tree the "smell test" (for the record - it smelled heavenly)

 And then settled on the tree that Aubrey had chosen.

Now, the very best part.  Seriously the best part.

After buying the tree (and some scrumptious homemade kettle corn from the gift shop) we found out that part of the purchase price was free delivery and set up!!  And we didn't even know that when we chose this tree lot.

Oh, we were very, very happy, and after the tree was set up we took our sniffling selves to bed.  Over the next few days we decorated the tree, and I think it looks awesome!

Les Miserables

Yesterday my sister asked me to summarize the plot of Les Mis for her because she will be going to the musical for the first time tonight.  She probably wishes she had just looked up a summary online because I waxed very long and detailed (and probably confusingly), and even got kind of emotional as I talked about my favorite parts of the play.

I just really love Les Miserables, and I have a hard time containing my enthusiasm.

When I was a sophomore in high school my honors English teacher assigned us to read the book Les Miserables by Victor Hugo.  Oh, we students whined and complained and pronounced it more miserable (get it?).  It was much longer than the book that the non-Honors English class had to read. How could our teacher expect so much of us?

But then, at some point that semester something happened to me.  I really started to understand and like the story.  And then I loved it. It changed something inside of me and made me think about many things. And I was excited to talk about it and think about it and even write essays about it because there are so many amazing themes in Les Miserables - hope, mercy, love, freedom, redemption, what makes someone "good" or "bad", and on and on.  I've read the unabridged version of the book twice since then, and I really want to read it again.

I didn't know for many years that there was a musical based on the book.  Wikipedia tells me that the musical debuted in London right about the time my teacher had us read the book (1985) and then opened on Broadway in March of 1987.  I don't remember knowing anything about the musical until I had been married for a few years.

Somehow Dan and I heard abut the musical (although we couldn't afford to buy tickets at that point).  Instead, we bought the CD and started listening.  We were entranced.  Not only is Les Mis an amazing story, but the musical adaptation is filled with beautiful music.  Drawing on my memories of the book, I explained the complicated storyline to Dan the best I could, and then we've continued to explain the story to each of our children.  They have all grown up listening to the music and they all love it.  I remember Brandon singing "Red and Black" at the top of his lungs in the car at age 2.  Joseph's favorite song at the same age was "One More Day."

In July of 2001 we drove down to Arizona from Utah to see the musical in Grady Gammage theater.  I believe the tickets were my birthday present that year.

Oh, we just loved it. The music we knew so well made even more sense when we saw it staged so beautifully.  I remember that Jean Val Jean's "Bring Him Home" and the amazing finale number both received standing ovations.  Les Mis immediately became my favorite musical of all time - and it is still is (Wicked is second).

Last year, in August of 2011 we were so excited that Les Miserables was performing in Portland, so we bought tickets for the kids to attend with us. Some of the kids . . . unfortunately Brandon wasn't there, as he had left on his mission in May.  He has never seen the musical, and I think we should rectify that when he gets home!  We also didn't take Joseph, who we decided was too young.

 The girls loved it just as much as I knew they would.

There are so many soaring, inspiring, gorgeous songs  in this musical, with lyrics rich in meaning. When I read or listen to Les Mis, I not only feel real emotion, but I feel the Spirit. There is much about the themes in the story which are very spiritual.

The last song, the finale or epilogue, is my very favorite.  It ties together all of the story and speaks clearly of hope, love, and redemption. I decided to try to find a bootleg copy of the finale from the professional production on youtube.  It's hard, or maybe impossible, to find a bootleg copy that isn't completely dark and doesn't have people hacking and coughing during the quiet moments.  But, what can you expect from an illegal copy of the play?

When I watched this a minute ago, I cried through almost the entire thing (especially from about 4 1/2 minutes to the end of the song).  In the real performance last year, tears poured down my face through the entire finale.  And when it was over I just sat there for a long time, feeling all tingly and sad and happy at the same time.  Finally we had to leave the theater because they were turning out the lights!

Click on this link if you want to see the finale of Les Mis.

Some of my favorite quotes from the play are in this final number:

To love another person is to see the face of God.

and

Do you hear the people sing?
Lost in the valley of the night
It is the music of a people who are climbing to the light
For the wretched of the earth
There is a flame that never dies
Even the darkest nights will end and the sun will rise

They will live again in freedom in the garden of the Lord
They will walk behind the ploughshare
They will put away the sword
The chain will be broken and all men will have their reward!

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring when tomorrow comes!