Gardening thoughts

Every year I forget how therapeutic it is for me to play in the dirt and garden. This year "work on the flower beds" stared at me from the to-do list for weeks. Okay, over a month. It really felt like just one more thing to do.

But, then I found a free Saturday and went to work. And it was like manna to my soul. Finally, a solvable problem. I'm not even to the stage of planting annual flowers or vegetable plants yet. Right now I have been taming the weeds and moving around perennials, both of which are labor-intensive and sweat-inducing. And so gratifying, as I can take something unruly or out of balance and create order. I say to an overgrown bush "you will be smaller" and then I prune it. I decide to move a plant to a different spot, and with a little heft and muscle power, it is done.

While working at one of my favorite tasks last week (gardening) I was thinking about one of my favorite topics (parenting). To be honest, I was admiring the fact that the plants weren't talking back to me. There was no plant whining, no arguing, no debating whether my revised gardening layout would be a good idea. No "ouch" when I pulled a shrub out of the ground and bodily moved it to another location. I admired the fact that my plants grow where they are placed, with no drama involved. They know that I know best.

Well, so maybe I don't know or control very much after all, even with my plants. Many times I pick the wrong spot in the garden for a particular plant. It needs more room to spread out, more sun, less water, more or less or a different kind of fertilizer. Each season I rebalance the perennials, making sure everything looks somewhat symmetrical and orderly. Then the elements pound at my plants - hailstorms, rainstorms, snowstorms, heat. I try to protect them from the weather stresses, but I can't catch or solve every problem. If they can survive, withstanding some of these stresses actually makes the plant's roots go deeper. By the end of the season, the plants have responded to the elements and their own drive to grow a certain way, and my orderly garden is out of whack.

Maybe order isn't the ultimate goal. Maybe my role is different. I was thinking about this quote: Who plants a seed beneath the sod, and waits to see, believes in God.

That wait to see phrase is tricky for me. I like measurable success in a reasonable period of time, and there is very little that is measurable or quick in parenting. Every day efforts are an investment in who the child is becoming, and there are no guarantees. The elements are strong and largely out of my control and my children use their agency, as they should. And they are very verbal about it, which is fine, but which frays my nerves at times.

So, as the gardener and as the mom I need to do the hard, back-breaking toil to prepare the spot for each plant and child. I must watch for warning signs of too much stress from the elements and provide extra nourishment when needed. Fretting about the individual growth patterns of each plant and child is futile, because growing is their job, not mine. Finally, I must relinquish the idea of control, step back and patiently wait to see and believe in God. I need to have faith that God's hand is in the process.

Overheard

Joseph finished his business in the bathroom and ran out to play with his friend. From a nearby by room I called out, telling him to go back and wash his hands. He stopped in his tracks and said, "I don't get it. How did you know I didn't wash my hands? Do you know everything?"

Yes, Joseph, I do. Remember that.

Mothering moments to cherish

Life runs by at such a frantic pace. There were a few moments lately when time seemed to stop while I focused on a moment.

Joseph comes down the stairs in the morning, dragging his fuzzy Batman blankie. He walks toward me with his sleepy eyes and Spiderman pjs. Crawls onto on my lap and fits just right. Pulls his blankie over both of our heads and snuggles. Our breathing and heartbeats synchronize and I know that nothing is more important right now because I'm cuddling my baby. Knowing that it won't be much longer that he will want to cuddle on my lap. It won't be much longer that he will even fit on my lap.

Aubrey walks out of her musical theater class with lights in her eyes. Can't contain the happy smile on her face that says it all. She likes what she is doing and is proud of herself for her work. For just a moment, she brims with quiet confidence, and I feel like a mirror, reflecting her optimism and bliss. I want nothing more than for my kids to uncover their strengths and find things they love to do.

Shopping with Bailey on a morning that school starts late. Watching her face light up as she finds just the right pair of jeans (and on sale) and new shoes. Hearing "thank you thank you thank you, Mom", and wanting to thank her for sprinkling joy in my life. Watching her run into school wearing her new skinny jeans and Keds (the same styles I wore as a teenager - recycled). There is a lilt in her step, a flip of the hair, and a moment when I can see the little girl becoming the young woman right before my eyes.

Sharing a long hug with Brandon. Holding on longer than normal, and feeling him do the same. Letting the hug be more eloquent than the words which aren't always effective or expressed. Feeling the goodness of his spirit, the joy in his proximity, and the pain of letting go.

I can't freeze time, even if I would want to. But I will try to freeze and remember moments.

Cadbury Creme Egg Therapy

Parenting is not for the weak or the faint of heart. I will not be giving any more details, as I fully recognize that everyone, myself definitely included, has occasional bad days.

Let's just say that, after all of the drama involved in finally getting each of the kids off to their respective schools this morning, I came home and sat down on the floor and consumed an entire Cadbury Creme egg. The big size. Oh yes, I have hoarded one egg for just such an emergency situation. I keep Dove dark chocolate on hand and usually have one or two a day - it's medicinal, you know. But, some moments and days require the hard stuff . . . ooey, gooey, sticky, sugary, surrounded by milk chocolate and with absolutely no redeeming nutritional value.

This is one of those days!

I needed this today

I was out of town for a sisters/mom trip last weekend (more on this when I gather pictures together). Dan told me about this conversation he had with Joseph while I was gone.

Joseph: I had a really bad dream. Dad, how do I make bad dreams go away?
Dad: Maybe you could think about something that makes you feel happy and safe.
Joseph: Hmmmm . . . . I guess superheroes.
Joseph: And my Mommy.

Can I just freeze this age/stage forever? Because it is really good for this mom's confidence!

Our Disney Adventure

We had a fantastic time in Disneyland for Spring Break this year. We were able to see Brandon's school choir perform in a competition in Anaheim. The next day Brandon joined us in our hotel just outside the main gate of Disneyland. Dan's parents drove into town to see the choir perform and then spent several days time with us. It was wonderful to have them there. It was also a treat that Dan's sister Shellee and family were able to come (last minute) for one day. We loved getting to know their kids better. I know I'm overly sentimental, but I really loved this quote, which was part of Walt Disney's speech at the opening of Disneyland.
Brandon was still hanging out with the choir kids, but we stopped to get a picture by the front gates on our first day in the parks. Dan's parents, Joe and Sharon Porter, posing by Mickey.

On Sunday we got up and drove two hours north to Oxnard to visit with my brother Scott and his family. We attended church with Scott and Ann and then they treated us to a wonderful lunch at their home. Afterward we walked around their housing development and enjoyed the beautiful sights and weather.
What can I say - the don't have palm trees in Washington, so they were a pretty cool sight for the kids.
We loved the brand-new Toy Story ride in California Adventure. It was so much fun!
I am so sad that I never got a picture of Shellee (Dan's sister), her husband Curtis, and their three kids. We were running so fast to help them fit as much as possible into their one day in Disneyland that we never paused for pictures of the group. Above, their darling son Hayden and Joseph had fun going on rides together and hanging out.

The boys.

Sharing a super-expensive Disney milkshake.

I love Dumbo. The whole magical feather thing is just super cool. I loved seeing all of the magic Disney through the eyes of Joseph, for whom it was pretty new.

Joseph Ethan Porter and Joseph Larry Porter.

Spending time with Brandon was one of Joseph's favorite elements of the trip. Here they prepare to drive an Autopia car.

Reportedly, Joseph was actually a good driver.

We didn't take time to pose by the huge "California" letters outside California Adventure until it was dark. So, I had to stand close enough for my flash to work and couldn't get the perspective of the tall letters.

Not the best shot, but it is tradition for us to get a picture by this backdrop in California Adventure.

This is the guilt ice cream I bought for Joseph to make up for one of my most harrowing parenting moments.

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We were in California Adventure, playing in the Redwood playground. I encouraged (pushed) normally tentative Joseph into going a few feet away to play on some slides. At the same time, we agreed to split the group and send a few on Soarin' over California while the younger kids stayed in the playground. We miscommunicated, and Brandon, Bailey, and I left to the ride, thinking that Dan was with Aubrey and Joseph. Dan thought Joseph was with us.

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Ten minutes later we saw Aubrey and Dan walk toward us, without Joseph. We all realized that Joseph had been left alone in the playground area. Dan and I took off running back across the park. It was a horrible moment for me. It is every mother's worst nightmare to think about something happening to her child, and it would be infinitely worse if something happened because of my negligence in leaving the child alone. When I got to the Redwood playground I started yelling for Joseph. Someone heard me and said that he was with a ranger, "and he is really upset and REALLY wants his mother." I found him sobbing and began the process of calming him and myself down. It is ironic that this happened to my child who lives his life with high anxiety and who is terrified of being in any room alone, even at home.

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Dan took the older kids on a ride and I clung to Joseph and bought him anything he wanted, all to assuage my guilt. He might need therapy someday to deal with abandonment issues (my mother pushed me to go on a slide I didn't want to go on. I was afraid to leave her side but reluctantly agreed. She then left me and ran away).

Joseph and Lightning McQueen. This is 10 minutes after he was lost, and he still has tear-stains on his cheeks.

So fun to be together as a family.

Brandon flew home a day earlier than the rest of us to attend a concert with a friend's family. The plan was for him to pick us up at the airport, and then for Dan and Brandon to go to the priesthood session of Conference together. However, our plane was delayed, so we were running way behind schedule. We decided to have Brandon bring church clothes for Dan to change into so that we could drop Dan and Brandon off at the Stake Center on the way back. Brandon brought Dan dark blue pants, tan socks, and brown shoes. We all had a good laugh at the interesting combo.

Waiting at the airport for Brandon to pick us up. We were FREEZING as we re-entered the reality of a Washington spring after living in the la-la land of warm California.

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It was a wonderful trip! We are already planning our next adventure . . .

American Girls

For many years Bailey and Aubrey have pored over the American Girl catalog, making extensive lists of their favorite dolls and outfits. While that has been fun, they always wanted to go to one of the American Girls stores so they could see the dolls and accessories up close.

Over the years, they have received a few dolls as gifts. They each chose a doll to travel on the plane with them to LA. The last day of our California trip we drove to the American Doll store in Hollywood, CA. We spent 2 1/2 hours of bliss (for Mom, Bailey, and Aubrey) or torture (for Dad and Joseph). The girls checked out all the dolls and collections and then participated in some of the special offerings at the store.

First, both dolls had their hair re-styled in the doll hair salon. Really and truly.

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Then, Aubrey and her doll participated in a photo shoot. The final picture was printed on the cover of an American Girl magazine. She has this framed and hanging in her room now.

Bailey spent some of her money on a new Easter outfit for her dolls. She chose three great options and then had a hard time deciding which one.
While we waited for Aubrey to have the photo taken with her doll, Joseph took pictures with our camera. He might have a future as a photographer, because he did an admirable job framing the pictures and gave us instructions about how to pose..

Happy to have finally fulfilled a life-long wish, the girls and dolls prepared for the drive back to the hotel.

Joseph was incredibly patient for this very girl-oriented trip. He hugged his Pooh stuffed animal so that he wouldn't feel left out.

Afterward, we followed the directions on our trusty GPS to drive to a Cafe Rio! This is our family's favorite restaurant, and we go through major withdrawals. It was well worth the half hour drive. The employees of the Cafe Rio thought our family was a little silly - we were giddy and way too enthusiastic about our food. Impressively, almost everyone finished their huge burritos!

Yes, it does.

Yes, we did!

The Easter Bunny didn't forget us

The Porter family pulled into town (from California) early evening on Saturday, the day before Easter Sunday. We were far too tired to do any Easter-related activities Saturday night (so no egg hunt this year). Sunday morning the kids discovered their Easter baskets. This year the Easter Bunny kept it simple - some chocolate for each family member. Other Easter gifts were saved for boys and girls who hadn't just gone to Disneyland.

On Sunday we never changed out of our pajamas. We watched Conference, ate homemade soup and chocolate candy, and dyed Easter eggs. It was a wonderful, laid-back day.

We felt very inspired by the messages of Conference. We are going to really focus on spending time as a family in the scriptures and learning and laughing together!

Thoughts about Disney

We just returned from being thoroughly immersed in the world of Disneyland for five days. Before I upload pictures to the blog, I thought I would share why I love Disneyland so much.

1. How could I not love a place that reminds me that "dreams really do come true," "you must believe in magic," "wish upon a star", and "celebrate the memories."

2. I love a place that encourages me act like a happy kid instead of an ultra-responsible adult. I love that my kids and I can skip arm-in-arm down Main Street and feel perfectly fine about it. Okay, so Dan and Brandon walk way behind us and pretend they don't know us, but the rest of us feel gleefully giddy as we skip.

3. Disney knows how to entertain. Musicians, parades, Broadway-quality shows, and the evening fireworks. The fireworks actually moved me to tears - no lie. There was a synchronized moving musical score, the voice of Julie Andrews offering inspirational encouragement, a castle that changed colors, Tinkerbell flying through the air, and a fabulous display of fireworks. Wow.

4. I know that there are naysayers out there who don't love to hear the "It's a Small World After All" song sung in 40 different languages, over and over. But, I actually really like it. I'm not embarrassed to admit that this sentiment makes me feel warm and fuzzy: "there's so much that we share, so it's time we're aware it's a small world after all".

5. I love to walk briskly down Main Street U.S.A. in the morning, prepared for adventure. I love to walk slowly back at night, taking in the lights and music, exhausted but happy. Main Street is one of my favorite places to be.

6. I love that I immediately forget that I-5 runs right behind Toon Town and Critter Country. When we are inside Disneyland I feel like we are in our own Disneyfied universe, far away from the word of stress, anxiety, and worries.

I'm trying to re-adjust to reality, but it's hard. I might need to hug a stuffed Mickey tonight.

Josephisms - April edition

When he gets up in the morning Joseph often looks in the mirror and makes a wacky happy face. Then he says, "Hey, dude, you're awesome!" When completing a puzzle or painting a picture he says, "I am the bestest in the world." I love the optimism and confidence.

On Sunday Joseph is not allowed to play his favorite Lego Batman video game, which is a source of great sadness for him. Last Sunday he asked me again, "WHY can't I play Lego Batman today?" I told him that on Sunday we only do things that help us think about Jesus. He thought for a moment and then shared this somewhat sacreligious plea, "Lego Batman DOES help me think about Jesus, every single time - pleeeeeeease!"

Lately Joseph wants to say the family prayer almost all the time. He always mentions the same things: "thank you that we could play with friends and tuzzins (cousins)" and "thank you that you could make this beautiful world." Last night he said the night time family prayer, and he blessed the food (which was eaten hours ago) twice during the prayer!

Every day I hear "You are being lots of mean, Mom." Thankfully, I also usually hear, "you are my favoritest Mom, of all the billions and billions of Moms. And I think I will marry you someday."

18th Birthday

Brandon's birthday started with breakfast in bed (biscuits and gravy and sliced strawberries). The family gathered in his room before school to see him open a few presents.

This is the first year that we haven't thrown a birthday party for him. His friends coordinated a surprise party. We just helped provide some of the food.
Brandon's main gift was a laptop (really it was his early graduation present). He will be able to use it now to record his band, using the cool software he got for Christmas. He wasn't so sure about the bright green color. Dell had a great deal on a well-equipped laptop that just happened to be green. We thought it wouldn't be TOO bright. Well, it is, and it shocked Brandon at first, but he is getting used to it. Bailey volunteered to use it if he is too put off by the color!