A really good day

Last Saturday was a really good day - the kind of early fall day which is rare and precious.  We were busy, but not too busy.  The weather was perfect - not too hot or too cold.  We were outside lots, there was a minimum of fighting between kids, and we got a lot done.

Maybe I'll back up a bit - Friday night Dan and I were able to attend the temple. And we stayed attentive, even after a long week of waking up early for Seminary.  Now that's a miracle . . .

Then Saturday started with a 9 a.m. soccer game.  I unfortunately have no pictures, because I was too busy cheering for Joseph!  This is how Dan explained the game in a letter to Brandon this week, "On Saturday we witnessed Joseph make three of the team's four goals, helping them win the game.  His games last about 50 minutes and they were 40 minutes into the game.  They were down 2 goals to nothing and had not even been very close to the goal.  Then, within about three minutes Joseph made three goals.  It was so amazing that I actually made a strange yippee sound when he made his third goal.  You would have been very embarrassed for me.  It happened so fast that the coach had to put him back on defense to keep him from scoring again (three goal max rule - which we had never heard of)."

Last week I read in my sister Ali's blog that her little soccer star Lindsey was pulled out of the game because she was getting so many goals that the other kids couldn't get the ball.  I marveled because nothing of the sort had ever happened in the Porter family.  But, then when Joseph started scoring goals in quick succession he was pulled to play defense instead of forward.  It is especially great to watch his confidence grow.


After the game Dan, Joseph, and I meandered through a few errands, enjoying the rare fact that we had nowhere in particular to be at any particular time and the sun was shining.

First we spent time in Best Buy while Dan tried to find the right cords to hook up his new iPad to a projector to play Seminary videos.  Joseph and I entertained ourselves by playing with the crazy effects in the Macbook photo booth.  Our favorite was "Space Alien."

Next we drove to Krispy Kreme to buy some donuts to celebrate the awesome game.  We went inside and took time to watch how they make the artery-clogging, uber-sugary, heavenly treats.  Then we picked out two dozen assorted donuts.

We dropped off a van full of stuff at the DI trailer and then took a dozen donuts to our new Bishop (who is also our good friend) as a birthday treat.

Now, where were the girls during all of this?  Bailey was actually at a friend's house.  She had slept over there the night before (an exception to our no-sleepover policy) so that she could babysit her friend's younger siblings the next morning while her friend and friend's parents went with the youth in their ward to the temple at 6 a.m. (did you follow that convoluted explanation?) Then, she hung out for awhile before coming home in the afternoon.

Aubrey wasn't awake when we left to the game, but woke up and got all her chores done while we were gone. She was happy to help us eat donuts when we arrived home. Then she begged Dan to teach her how to powerwash.  Aubrey is an entrepreneur at heart, and she is highly motivated to earn extra money right now for a big item she wants to purchase.  So, she spent almost four hours in the beautiful sunshine doing a great job getting black mold off our driveway.

Meanwhile, we found some friends for Joseph, and (once Joseph finished his chores and piano) they spent hours outside throwing a football back and forth.

Dan took a few hours to work on his Seminary lessons for the coming week, and I got the house organized.

When Bailey finished her chores, she drove me and Aubrey to Target.  Yes, I said she drove us. And she's a  good driver.  While we shopped for a few things and the girls tried on some clothes, Dan took Joseph swimming at Lakeshore.

Then we met up at home, ate dinner together, made a bed on the family room floor, popped popcorn, and watched some old Disney movies - "Now You See Them, Now You Don't," and "The Shaggy Dog."

This was a very good day, and not because anything dramatic happened. There are some days and moments which resonate with me, and I try to take a mental picture of what the day looked, sounded, and felt like.  I file those moments away in my mental bank and pull them out to revisit from time to time.

It's human nature to feel like the big events are the memorable ones, but for me the never-to-be-forgotten moments are the quiet, simple ones. The hanging out together, laughing, eating, working, and playing together.  The being together with people I love more than anything and feeling grateful that this is my life.

Three meals a day forever

I remember the day when I was about 10 years old when I really realized that someday I would be the mom and I would be in at least partly in charge of preparing food for the family every day.  Three meals a day, every day, forever and ever.  I literally groaned out loud at the thought of it.  It seemed like the most tedious thing in the world to cook, clean up, cook some more, clean up some more, and cook once again.

Well, life is never exactly like we dream or fear. Contrary to my 10-year-old fears, I don't usually mind the preparation of the meals.  I admit that there are days when I can't believe that my family wants to eat again.  I mean, didn't we already do that today?  Several times already?  And isn't cold cereal acceptable for every meal?

But, truthfully, I kind of like cooking, and I don't mind feeding my family because I can see how it helps everyone be happier and healthy.  Plus, I do my best to not be the only one cleaning up, and I'm trying to train some cooks to help out, too.  (It's too late for Dan - his expertise begins and ends at bean burritos.)

But, today I have to admit that this feeding the family thing is wearing me out, largely because we have some mighty picky eaters in our house.  It's probably the justice of the universe that I have picky eaters, because I was a picky eater myself, so now I am consigned to forever try to feed picky eaters.  Without a doubt, as the kids get older they learn to expand their food repertoire.  Without a doubt, the youngest child struggles the most.

I made a decision a few years ago that I will not let my kid's timidity about trying awesome food keep me from preparing awesome food.  So, I make it a point to make flavorful and yummy recipes often, knowing that only Dan and I will eat it.  There are some exceptions. There are certain dishes that one child will eat, certain dishes another child will eat, almost nothing the third will eat.  What it boils down to, though, is only one meal that everyone eats, and that's pizza, so I'm not sure that counts at all.  Then, there are about three or four meals that everyone will eat except one person.  Everything else I can think of, and I mean everything, results in someone being unhappy. There are often tears involved, and it's very frustrating for everyone, myself included.

• Yes, we try to make everyone at least try a bite of unfamiliar foods.  Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't.  I'm not okay with every dinner being a battlefield, so sometimes I push the kids and other times I ignore the issue. 
• No, it doesn't work to say "this is all there is to eat - you can just go hungry if you don't eat it."  Because one of our kids will choose to do just that - not eat - rather than deal with the stress of eating something scary.  And his total calorie intake is not enough to allow him to fall into this pattern.  Even though we try to keep everything positive at meal times, he often falls apart (crying, acting out) when dinner time is approaching - it's that stressful for him.
• Yes, I frequently try to have the kids help me choose recipes that look good to them.  I try to get them involved in making the food.  We even provide incentives for trying something new, and there have been some times when these incentives paid off big time in an added food to the repertoire.

But, the bottom line is that meal time and the prep leading up to it is exhausting.  I'm constantly evaluating how to put an interesting main dish on the table - and make it palatable for the kids, healthy for all of us, and hopefully help Dan and I fight middle age girth expansion (the girls would love all creamy, cheesy sauces if possible, but we can't eat like that every day!)   And then I have to figure out how to add in some side dishes which I know various kids will eat in case they won't eat the main dish.  And then there's generally a different prep for the youngest, who pretty much only eats fruits, veggies, seeds and nuts, yogurt and milk.  And I have to decide how much I'm going to push people to try unfamiliar foods at that meal.

There are times when I don't make any special accommodations and I require everyone to find and make their own alternate food if they won't eat what I prepared. And I think it's good for them to do this.  But, as I said, I'm not okay with every dinner being a battlefield and I've found that we can't live in this state of agitation all the time.  I have to cut my losses somewhere, and sometimes getting everyone to eat what I prepared is less important than having good family interaction and fun around the dinner table when we gather together after our crazy day.  So, sometimes I choose peace and ignore the rest temporarily.

But, the frustration about how to feed my brood still simmers, and sometimes it boils over.  Last night was one of those nights.  Sigh and double sigh.  Last night I felt like I was ready to retire from the thankless job of feeding the family. Except there is really no way to retire . . . I just have to keep on trying.  Every day, three meals a day forever.


p.s.: On a positive note, here is something hopeful. I think I will title this part of the post:

  

How peer pressure can sometimes be a good thing

One of Joseph's most feared foods is bread - all kinds of bread.  With the very notable exception of pizza crust, which we frequently point out to him IS actually bread.  Whereas most people swoon at the sight and smell of fresh-baked rolls or bread, Joseph gags.

Needless to say, he does not take the sacrament bread during church.  But at least now he doesn't shriek and dive under the pew when the bread is passed in front of him. Yes, we have made some definite progress over the last few years.

We have pointed out to him that the Sacrament is not just bread, but is actually what we consider to be a very sacred symbol of the body and sacrifice of Christ. We have explained that the Sacrament is an important chance to renew baptismal covenants and think about how we can be like the Savior.  But we've also recognized that at this point Joseph may need to find a way to think about Jesus and acknowledge the sacrifice without actually eating the bread, and that is okay.

Back to the story . . . Sunday was the Primary program and all the kids were on the stand, up in the choir seats. Joseph was sitting next to all his buddies.  When the bread was passed, his best buddy Alex wouldn't let him get away with not eating the bread.  He insisted Joseph try it. And, not wanting to "look dumb in front of my friends (his words)", Joseph did try it.   As soon as Sacrament Meeting was concluded, he beelined to us and told us, "I ate the bread!"  He was really, really  proud of himself, and we were excited for him.  He said he didn't really like it, but it was sort of okay and he thought he might be able to do it again next week.

We're just glad that Alex is not pushing illicit substances at this point, because apparently his peer pressure motivates Joseph to try something he doesn't want to try!

So, small steps.  Miniscule progress.  That's just the way it's going to be.

End of Summer Fun

After returning from our trip, we only had a few precious days before school started. This was our plan for those days:

1. Organize school clothes and set out outfits for each day of the first week (Joseph did not participate in this particular ritual.  I'm thinking it's a girl thing to obsess over new school clothes).
2. Load backpacks with new supplies.
3. Finish moving all of Aubrey's things from her old room to her new room.  
4. Help Bailey do a massive overhaul of her closet/room. We bagged up a HUGE pile of DI stuff from each of the kid's rooms the week before school.  We are in the get-rid-of-it mode!  Well, at least I am.
5. Stay up late every night, even though we theoretically were going to start "moving our clock back" to make it easier to get up for school.  Yeah, that didn't happen.
6. Eat lots of fresh veggies and fruit, some of it from our garden.
7. Revel in the beautiful weather. We deserve sunshine and we love it! (If only we could bottle it up to pull out in February.)
8. Enjoy playdates with friends.  Bailey attended a movie party with her awesome group of friends.  Joseph had at least one friend over each day.  Aubrey also hung out with her friend Laura.  On the day before school started  Aubrey and Laura  picked a recipe off of one of Aubrey's Pinterest boards (Aubrey and Bailey are both devotees of Pinterest) and made chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter frosting. They made a huge mess, but the end result was delicious!

 You can't really see it in the picture, but they had frosting all over their faces. And all over the kitchen, too.

  They had cleaned up their faces, but I told them to smear some more on for the picture.

 
   9.  That night Dan set up our tent in the back yard, and we did my favorite kind of camping. The kind where you still get to be outside, breathing the crisp and cool night air, but are close to a bathroom, a kitchen, and the couch (I may have defected to the couch at about 3 a.m. when I couldn't feel my hip joints or left arm after sleeping on the ground.)   Bailey missed the fun because she was at a party until late. Besides which, our five-man tent only really fits 3 or possibly 4 of us comfortably!

10.  We also spent some time catching up on our Book of Mormon reading. We are following a schedule our Stake President gave us at the last Stake Conference, with the goal of completing the Book of Mormon by the next Stake Conference. Our Disney trip threw us off a bit, but we're catching up. Right now we're in the end of Helaman.

11.  Dan did oodles of Seminary preparation. Reading,thinking, printing things off, buying supplies for his class and putting together awesome binders for each student. The whole family helped out with the prep, and we made a huge mess.

And that was the end of our summer.  We loved it - every bit of it!

Back to School

We're three weeks into school . . . I guess it's time to post the back to school pics of the kids.  I finally feel like we have our schedule under control enough for me to focus on editing and posting pictures.

First up, our sweet little 2nd grader. . . .

Joseph started 2nd grade at Felida Elementary. He was ready for school and excited, which he should have been.  2nd grade is the best!  His teacher is Mrs. Coffey, and he has several friends in his class.

 Next up, beginning her 7th grade year at the Vancouver School of Arts and Academics . . . . Aubrey! 

These pictures of Aub make me happy and sad at the same time, because she looks so grown up. When did my little Aubrey girl turn into a grown-up, beautiful teenager?

And, beginning her sophomore year at Skyview High School . . . . Bailey!

The picture above is from first day of school.  We took some more pictures on the second day of school. 

 Sigh . . . once again, my mother heart is amazed at how grown up and gorgeous my little Bailey Boo Boo has become.

After school, we had our traditional first day of school Rice Krispy Treat apples. And for dinner . . . Guiltless Fettucine Alfredo and Rosemary bread (both from my favorite cookbook - Our Best Bites).  That was the first time we tried the bread, and it was scrumptious!

Back on the wagon

Every day since school started up again I have been pulling myself back back onto the exercise wagon, which I fell off . . . . last March sometime.  Sad to admit, but true.

I did a pretty good job exercising last year, but then mid-March things got busy and pretty stressful with the kids for awhile, and I cut out non-essential and not-very-fun things.   I must admit, this included exercise. 

The older I get, the more I accept that regular exercise needs to be a part of my life.  I am especially motivated when I go to the gym and hear the 75 year old women talking to each other about their exercise routines.  We go to a gym with a preponderance of senior citizens and families with young kids. I am usually in the weight room or classes with men and women many decades older than me. Today in the locker room of the gym I overheard two women in their mid-70s talk about how they exercise every day because they want to retain their flexibility and strength as they age so they can stay active.  These same women had just finished a Zumba class with me, and they wiggled their hips admirably. They also talked about their travel plans for the year - lots of far flung and awesome places I want to visit when I am their age. I want to be just as active as them when I am 75.  For that matter, I have great examples in my own family.  My parents exercise as frequently, and my Grandma Palmer has always (until some very recent health problems) walked every day and attended aerobics a few times a week!

This motivation helps me overcome the significant obstacle that I don't really enjoy exercising. I mean, I love the endorphin high afterward, and I am always glad I did it. I like the way I feel when I regularly exercise, and I know it gives me a boost physically and emotionally. But, I don't necessarily look forward to exercising.  I have friends who absolutely must exercise every day or they go stir-crazy.  That is not me. I would go stir crazy if I didn't have a good book sitting on my nightstand or any dark chocolate in the house.

If I made a list ranking all the things I do in a week, obviously things like reading a good book alone or with a kid, going on a date with Dan, or talking to a friend or my family on the phone would be high on the list.  On the other hand, exercise would rank above toilet cleaning and spider killing, but below weeding, laundry folding, doing the dishes, and even bill paying.  But, exercise I must.

This is how I get myself to the gym every day right now.  At some point in the morning I throw on my exercise clothes.  Then, after getting the last of the kids off to his or her respective bus or school, I don't allow myself to go home until I go to the gym.  Then I tell myself that I "only" have to go in and do the Treadclimber machine or the weight circuit, so I can be out of there and on my way to do errands lickety-split.  But once I start, my competitive side pushes me to do both the aerobic and the weights or to go to one of the exercise classes.  The classes are good for me because the peer pressure makes me push myself way beyond what I really feel like doing.  It's really embarrassing to allow the little old ladies show me up in the total body conditioning class!

The kids have been back in school for five days, and so far I've worked out five days.  Yay for me!

Walking in socks

We're are off and running in the new school year.  Whew.  Back into the craziness. It's good craziness, and all is well, but it is busy. My phone calendar is working overtime to keep us all on schedule.

Last week we had our first three days of school, and everything went great. Everyone wore their cute new school clothes, everyone got to their respective schools (one at high school, one at middle school, one at elementary) at the appointed time, and the reports were favorable all around.

This week we introduced another variable . . . the first day of early morning Seminary. Not only is Bailey involved in Seminary this year, but Dan was recently called to be a Seminary teacher - Bailey's teacher, in fact.

So, we have had to move back our schedule a few hours. Porters aren't known for early bedtimes.  But we are changing our ways. And beginning Monday morning, Dan, Bailey, and I all got up at 4:45 a.m.  They were ready for the day, breakfast eaten and lunch packed and out the door by 5:45 a.m.  Then I did a load of dishes, started the laundry, and sort of accidentally fell asleep for an hour on the couch.  After which I woke up Aubrey and Joseph and helped them get breakfast and lunches packed and all the other school prep stuff.

I was feeling pretty good about my organizational abilities - everything seemed pretty smooth.  Joseph and I left at 8:15 to drive to school while Aubrey finished getting ready to catch the bus.  We got to the school with just a few minutes to spare before the tardy bell.  As we parked and prepared to walk in Joseph said in a quietly desperate voice . . .

"I forgot my shoes."

Hmmmm.  No shoes.  Almost late for school. That was a tricky one.  I explained the options. We could run back home to get shoes, but then he would be late.  (He shook his head at this option). I could carry him into the school since the ground was wet from the rain that had fallen overnight. (I didn't seriously think he would go for this option, and he didn't, because being carried by your mom when you are a big 2nd grader would be beyond humiliating.) Or he could walk into the school in his socks, and I would run his shoes by the school shortly.

So that's what we did.  He tiptoed in his socks on the wet pavement all the way around the school to the door to his classroom.  He trailed his backpack along the ground next to his feet, trying to disguise the fact that he was shoe-less.  Even so, he got some funny looks from the kids and adults we passed. When he got to his class, he darted into his seat as fast as possible and I walked over to explain the situation to his teacher. She laughed and agreed to help him stay inconspicuous.

I'm pretty sure that Joseph will never forget the experience of walking into school without shoes - it was quite memorable.  But not quite as memorable or mortifying as the day in 4th grade when I didn't get my hair done before the bus came in the morning so I decided to wear my winter coat with hood all day long to disguise my serious bedhead.  And it was September and was really it hot outside.  And it happened to be school pictures that day. Yep.  That's embarrassing.  I'm thinking he won't have quite as much residual trauma from his shoeless experience.

So, we sort of have it together as we begin a new school year. It's day by day, minute to minute effort.

Oh, and a postscript about Seminary so far - two days down, and Dan and Bailey both feel like it is going great.  Dan has studied and stewed and worried and prepared over the past few months.  It all paid off, and he pulled together some great object lessons/interactive activities for the first few days.  The only problem is that has to pull it off five days a week all year!  He'll do great.