Three meals a day forever

I remember the day when I was about 10 years old when I really realized that someday I would be the mom and I would be in at least partly in charge of preparing food for the family every day.  Three meals a day, every day, forever and ever.  I literally groaned out loud at the thought of it.  It seemed like the most tedious thing in the world to cook, clean up, cook some more, clean up some more, and cook once again.

Well, life is never exactly like we dream or fear. Contrary to my 10-year-old fears, I don't usually mind the preparation of the meals.  I admit that there are days when I can't believe that my family wants to eat again.  I mean, didn't we already do that today?  Several times already?  And isn't cold cereal acceptable for every meal?

But, truthfully, I kind of like cooking, and I don't mind feeding my family because I can see how it helps everyone be happier and healthy.  Plus, I do my best to not be the only one cleaning up, and I'm trying to train some cooks to help out, too.  (It's too late for Dan - his expertise begins and ends at bean burritos.)

But, today I have to admit that this feeding the family thing is wearing me out, largely because we have some mighty picky eaters in our house.  It's probably the justice of the universe that I have picky eaters, because I was a picky eater myself, so now I am consigned to forever try to feed picky eaters.  Without a doubt, as the kids get older they learn to expand their food repertoire.  Without a doubt, the youngest child struggles the most.

I made a decision a few years ago that I will not let my kid's timidity about trying awesome food keep me from preparing awesome food.  So, I make it a point to make flavorful and yummy recipes often, knowing that only Dan and I will eat it.  There are some exceptions. There are certain dishes that one child will eat, certain dishes another child will eat, almost nothing the third will eat.  What it boils down to, though, is only one meal that everyone eats, and that's pizza, so I'm not sure that counts at all.  Then, there are about three or four meals that everyone will eat except one person.  Everything else I can think of, and I mean everything, results in someone being unhappy. There are often tears involved, and it's very frustrating for everyone, myself included.

• Yes, we try to make everyone at least try a bite of unfamiliar foods.  Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't.  I'm not okay with every dinner being a battlefield, so sometimes I push the kids and other times I ignore the issue. 
• No, it doesn't work to say "this is all there is to eat - you can just go hungry if you don't eat it."  Because one of our kids will choose to do just that - not eat - rather than deal with the stress of eating something scary.  And his total calorie intake is not enough to allow him to fall into this pattern.  Even though we try to keep everything positive at meal times, he often falls apart (crying, acting out) when dinner time is approaching - it's that stressful for him.
• Yes, I frequently try to have the kids help me choose recipes that look good to them.  I try to get them involved in making the food.  We even provide incentives for trying something new, and there have been some times when these incentives paid off big time in an added food to the repertoire.

But, the bottom line is that meal time and the prep leading up to it is exhausting.  I'm constantly evaluating how to put an interesting main dish on the table - and make it palatable for the kids, healthy for all of us, and hopefully help Dan and I fight middle age girth expansion (the girls would love all creamy, cheesy sauces if possible, but we can't eat like that every day!)   And then I have to figure out how to add in some side dishes which I know various kids will eat in case they won't eat the main dish.  And then there's generally a different prep for the youngest, who pretty much only eats fruits, veggies, seeds and nuts, yogurt and milk.  And I have to decide how much I'm going to push people to try unfamiliar foods at that meal.

There are times when I don't make any special accommodations and I require everyone to find and make their own alternate food if they won't eat what I prepared. And I think it's good for them to do this.  But, as I said, I'm not okay with every dinner being a battlefield and I've found that we can't live in this state of agitation all the time.  I have to cut my losses somewhere, and sometimes getting everyone to eat what I prepared is less important than having good family interaction and fun around the dinner table when we gather together after our crazy day.  So, sometimes I choose peace and ignore the rest temporarily.

But, the frustration about how to feed my brood still simmers, and sometimes it boils over.  Last night was one of those nights.  Sigh and double sigh.  Last night I felt like I was ready to retire from the thankless job of feeding the family. Except there is really no way to retire . . . I just have to keep on trying.  Every day, three meals a day forever.


p.s.: On a positive note, here is something hopeful. I think I will title this part of the post:

  

How peer pressure can sometimes be a good thing

One of Joseph's most feared foods is bread - all kinds of bread.  With the very notable exception of pizza crust, which we frequently point out to him IS actually bread.  Whereas most people swoon at the sight and smell of fresh-baked rolls or bread, Joseph gags.

Needless to say, he does not take the sacrament bread during church.  But at least now he doesn't shriek and dive under the pew when the bread is passed in front of him. Yes, we have made some definite progress over the last few years.

We have pointed out to him that the Sacrament is not just bread, but is actually what we consider to be a very sacred symbol of the body and sacrifice of Christ. We have explained that the Sacrament is an important chance to renew baptismal covenants and think about how we can be like the Savior.  But we've also recognized that at this point Joseph may need to find a way to think about Jesus and acknowledge the sacrifice without actually eating the bread, and that is okay.

Back to the story . . . Sunday was the Primary program and all the kids were on the stand, up in the choir seats. Joseph was sitting next to all his buddies.  When the bread was passed, his best buddy Alex wouldn't let him get away with not eating the bread.  He insisted Joseph try it. And, not wanting to "look dumb in front of my friends (his words)", Joseph did try it.   As soon as Sacrament Meeting was concluded, he beelined to us and told us, "I ate the bread!"  He was really, really  proud of himself, and we were excited for him.  He said he didn't really like it, but it was sort of okay and he thought he might be able to do it again next week.

We're just glad that Alex is not pushing illicit substances at this point, because apparently his peer pressure motivates Joseph to try something he doesn't want to try!

So, small steps.  Miniscule progress.  That's just the way it's going to be.