Summer . . . then and now

I was flipping through scrapbooks recently and found these pages:

 

In the olden days of my mothering life this is how I handled summer.  I looked forward to the kids being home (I still do) and we sat down with the kids to set goals for the summer.  Our day was pretty structured, with time for learning, music, game playing, chores, and reading.  And every week we took off on a field trip somewhere - a museum, a park, downtown SLC, etc.  These pages from one of my scrapbooks show some of our field trips.


When I look at this I am in awe of my younger self.  Where did I find the energy? How did I find the time? How did I convince my houseful of kids to go along with whatever plans I made for them?

As I looked at the history of our past summers in our scrapbooks (that's another thing - somehow I had time to scrapbook back then??), I felt a wistful pang and I felt more than  a little guilty about the way I handle summer now.  Should I be more like this now? If I tried hard enough could I get my kids to follow along with this type of structure now? Why doesn't it feel like the right rhythm for our family now?

But time has marched on. Dan and I are keenly aware that we are in a different phase of parenting now. We have kids in all stages of life:  launched-and on-his-own Brandon, teenager-and-beginning-high-school Bailey, a-very-ready-for-middle-school Aubrey, and just-starting-full-day-elementary-school Joseph. When my kids were younger the age differences didn't feel as extreme. Brandon at age 10 was still happy to hang out with Bailey at age almost 5, and Aubrey at age 2 was happy to be with all of us. While it was quite an event to gather diaper bags, treats, etc. and take off on adventures, no one really complained. At that point their whole world was the world that I helped create for them.

The age differences between our kids seem more pronounced now, partly because they are more pronounced with the addition of Joseph to our family.  It is pretty difficult to find activities which are equally interesting to a kindergartner, a middle schooler, a high schooler, and a college student. We try, but it's always a challenge. It's not quite as it used to be, when I could gather up my little chickadees and take them to a museum, sing silly songs in the car on the way, and feed them fishy crackers on the way home. We still love to go places and see new things and spend time together, but we more often do "dates with Mom and Dad" with the kids so we can accommodate the kids' unique interests.

In this new phase of parenting our older kids are not living within my version of the world. They are creating their own versions of the world.  And now I know that is the way it should be and needs to be as they grow up. I know now what I didn't know a decade ago . . . as our kids get older, not only would it not work for me to be completely hands-on with the structure of their summer days, it wouldn't be appropriate for me to exert that level of control. As the kids grow up, my role becomes less about controlling their world and increasingly about being an adviser, helper, guide, example, and facilitator.
Now it's all about balance. Balancing Joseph's needs with the needs of the older kids, balancing the individual needs of each of the kids, trying to find balance in all the craziness as each kid is involved in many different activities, and finding the appropriate balance of my involvement in their activities. Mothering older kids has been all about giving them parameters and then letting them make choices about how to use their time.

I have to admit that I miss the predictability and control of past decades. This uncharted territory of raising kids through the last stages before adulthood is sometimes ambiguous, always surprising, frequently frustrating, yet generally enjoyable.  The increased mothering worry and angst I have experienced in the last few years is a direct result of the natural evolution of parenting. It was easier and less worrisome when I could keep my kiddos close and know that they were protected from hurt and negative influences. I felt like a pretty good mom of younger kids. Now that I have younger and older kids, I feel like I know better how much I don't know and can't know or control.  I miss the last stage of parenting, but I really like this new stage too.  There are incredible compensatory rewards.

We had a great summer.  Joseph did his share of learning and reading time (he's still young - he's happy to be compliant if it means that he can play Lego Star Wars for awhile), and the girls and I have had a great time reading the same books (separately) and then talking about them. There is really nothing I would change about the way our summer unfolded. It's not like it used to be, but it's the way it ought to be!

Partying with the Ellefsens

We LOVE to have visitors! We welcome any chance to have fun, make and eat good food, and spend quality time with people we love. We feel really lucky to have spent time with the Ellefsens weeks ago. They were all at our house for a weekend before they left to the Oregon coast for a week. Then Ali and the three youngest kids spent three more days with us. It was fantastic to get to know their kids better - we hadn't seen them in three years! 

We tried to show them a good time. One day we drove to an area in Portland with a lot of food carts, with a block and a half filled with every type of ethnic and American food imaginable. Thai, Ethiopian, Chilean, Peruvian, Bolivian, Mexican, German, French, Chinese, Japanese, Mediterranean, etc. It was so much fun!  I really like the way that Portland is so diverse. We walked around the block to check out the food and everyone picked out their favorite food to try.  The Ellefsens had dressed for warmer weather (they erroneously believed that it would feel summery during the middle of the day in August - they were wrong!), so we had to bundle everyone up in jackets.

Joseph and I are in the far left of the picture below, waiting for our dessert crepes to be finished.

After eating our meal we walked a few blocks to Pioneer Square to see some of the famous landmarks, including this mile post sign - showing the distance to just about anywhere you can imagine. And the bronze statue of a guy with an umbrella.

This is so Portland . . . on the way back to our car we saw a storefront showcasing clothes made of all kinds of recycled items. Including the outfit on the left, made of discarded umbrella skins from Portland streets. And the outfit on the right, made from used coffee filters!

One evening Aubrey, Brynlie, and Lindsey put on a fabulous performance for us. They sang "Popular" from the musical Wicked. 

Afterward, cute little Logan played a Star Wars game with Bailey. It involved lots of snarling, lightsaber fighting, and acrobatics. And we must note that Logan has the cutest voice we have ever heard. If he lived at our house and asked for absolutely anything, we would seriously be unable to say no to him.

 We also introduced the Ellefsens to the joys of our favorite frozen yogurt shops.

 And we spent a lovely day at the park.

 

 

 Aubrey, Brynlie, and Lindsey spent a lot of time painting and sketching.

 We drove the Ellefsens to see the Columbia River Gorge and some of our favorite waterfalls.

 

 

And we showed them how to play one of our family favorites . . . "Just Dance" on the Wii. Their kids were amazing at the game, and Ryan and Ali wiggled their hips like pros!

And more lightsaber fighting, this time with Dan and Ryan.

 

On Saturday we took them to Merwin Lake, on the south side of Mt. St. Helens. We had a great day boating, riding a Waverunner, and playing in the water.

Most of us took a turn riding the tube behind the boat. It was fun! Aubrey is fearless. She wanted to go faster, faster, faster, but I was fine with wimpy speed.

 

It was a great trip, and we hope we can see them again one of these days (years). We appreciate the opportunities we have had to get to know one family at a time and strengthen the friendships between cousins.

Summer Party

Most of the country has started school, but here summer is still in full swing.  We are savoring every last moment before school begins (after Labor Day), AND we finally have awesomely warm weather.

So, it was a great day for a new annual tradition . . . . Joseph's Summer Party. Which he has been talking about and planning since May. He had spectacular plans. Lots of friends, water games, slip 'n slide, and sprinkler-playing outside,  and lots of goodies to eat.

 So, we pulled it off today. This morning we picked up plenty of junk food and decorating supplies (yellow balloons, crepe paper, dishes, decorations, tablecloth, etc - yellow because it is finally sunny, of course!).  We got on the phone and found 5 friends who could come party with us.

 Let the party begin! For 4 1/2 hours happy little boys zoomed in and out of the house, stuffing Oreos into their mouths as jumped on the trampoline, ran through the sprinklers, and played superhero spy guys. It was exactly the way summer should be.  I loved it. 

Below, after getting all soapy in the slip 'n slide, Joseph turned into scary "Soap Man" and chased his friends on the trampoline.

I just dropped off all Joseph's friends at home. And now I have earned a night out with my honey. Maybe while we are gone someone will clean up the mess??