A Legal Adult

I don't know how this can be - my oldest is 18 and ready to leave home for exciting adventures!

Brandon, you are a great joy to us. We are grateful for your personality and spirit, and are glad that you are part of our family. We are proud of your many talents, strengths, interests, and accomplishments. But even more so, we are proud of the young man you have become and your determination to live in a way that is true to your beliefs and values. It is a pleasure to spend time with you and talk to you, and we will miss you when you leave to college!

Here's a look back . . .

Patience

I've been thinking a lot about patience lately. As in, I need more of it. What mother doesn't need more patience? A good day is when only one child is in crisis at a time, so I can focus my attention. A typical day is when everyone needs me at once and several children have urgent issues and needs. A constant is the reality of everyone talking over each other to get my attention.

I really do want to be a Mom who listens and helps each of my kids when they need me. I want to be a Mom who can help a child through hours of painful homework without raising my voice and putting myself into time out so I don't say something rude.

I want to be the kind of Mom who can have yet another talk with the teenager and offer wise words of wisdom without including a litany of complaints about my unmet expectations.

I really try to be the kind of Mom who is a calm voice of reason while everyone falls apart around me. When a child is rolling their eyes at me and being sarcastic and rude, I really want to discipline without being reactive, redirect the child, and discern underlying issues that need to be addressed. I really don't want to be a Mom who rolls her eyes back at the child, sighs in annoyance and pulls the "Mom card" (the one that says, "I am in charge", "be quiet and do what I say", "go somewhere where I can't hear you", and "why are you torturing me, child?")

Many times I feel like I mess up more than I am successful, but I try. I pray every day to be patient and to be the Mom each child needs. Because, of course, they each need me to be a different kind of Mom each day. Many times I mentally count to ten while simultaneously exhaling slowly and biting my tongue. When I can pull this off, I give myself a well-deserved pat on the back. I sometimes find myself thinking, "it will pass, this stage/homework project/tantrum will be over soon, just endure." So I endure, and sometimes I count the minutes until bedtime.

As I said, I have thought a lot about patience lately, and I was feeling kind of okay about my efforts to be a patient Mom. And then, a few days ago I took a moment to read a favorite quote I have on a plaque in my kitchen:

"In all of life have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." Gordon B. Hinckley

I stopped in my tracks, in the middle of unloading the dishwasher. So, how is patience different from endurance? Had I been patient lately, or had I been enduring? When I am making it through the day with gritted teeth and glazed eyes, is that really being patient? Maybe patience is not just avoiding blowing up and reacting rashly. Maybe patience also means feeling calm inside and allowing room for laughter and joy. Like in medicine, maybe the first rule of parenting is "first do no harm" (or do as little harm as possible). But maybe there is a higher level, which is dealing with the onslaught of mothering crises calmly, but still finding joy in the journey and communicating that joy to the family. Maybe patience is not taking the stresses of each family member so personally, feeling compassion but not letting it change my own sense of peace. What do I want my kids to learn when they watch me? I haven't mastered this yet. I'm still thinking it through.

My goal this week is to work on patience, not just endurance.

Another BYU Cougar

Brandon was accepted to BYU Provo! Acceptance is getting more and more difficult, even with good grades and ACT scores. There are just far too many qualified freshman who apply for BYU each year. Apparently, this year the number of applicants hit an all time record.

We also just heard that he was awarded a half tuition scholarship, which for BYU is awesome!

He is excited and we are proud of his hard work.

Birthday Season

Every year we take a deep breath as March begins, and then plunge headlong into Porter Birthday Season. First up, Aubrey's birthday. She started the day with breakfast in bed (crepes and strawberries). I picked her up from school at lunchtime and took her out to eat. Then, she chose the dinner menu (spaghetti, garlic bread, Ceaser salad, cake).


Everyone piled in for a group hug after Aubrey opened presents.

Aubrey invited 15 friends to a party at JJ Jump, a huge indoor playground with inflatable slides, etc.

Bailey made the cake and cupcakes for Aubrey's party.

Two days later . . . Joseph's birthday! He had talked about having breakfast in bed for days, but when we brought him his tray and gifts he was very disoriented. Later he told me what he was thinking: "who are these people and what are they doing in my room?" (his words).

Checking out the very cool new Lego Batman video game while eating his favorite muffins and strawberries.

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When he finally truly woke up, he was SO excited. He told me over and over, "you can't call me your baby anymore 'cause now I'm 5." I told him that he and Brandon and Bailey and Aubrey will ALWAYS be my babies.

He invited his best buddies to come over after preschool for lunch, Spiderman cupcakes, and then a trip to the very cool science museum in Portland, OMSI. I didn't take any pictures at the museum because I was far too busy keeping up with four busy boys! Bailey was off school, so she came to help me.

Joseph was able to choose a special lunch (McDonald's Happy Meal) and the menu for dinner. He chose his favorite foods: Papa Murphy's Cheesy Bread, sunflower seeds, and apple slices. It was an interesting meal for all of us!

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Happy birthday Joseph and Aubrey! Now, a one week rest and then it's Brandon's birthday.

Joseph is 5!

How did this happen? My baby is five years old and ready to go to kindergarten. Joseph, we are so glad you joined our family. I love your fun personality and flair for the dramatic, your energy and sense of humor, and your loving spirit. What will I do when you grow up and don't call me "my love" anymore? And I hope we always share lots of "sweecwets" (secrets). Thanks for making me laugh every day and giving me lots of kisses and "tuddles" (cuddles).

You and your cousin Lauryn were born just a few weeks apart. So cute together!

You and your doting big sister Aubrey.

Eating your first birthday cake.

With cousin Lauryn - both age 2.

At the zoo with your favorite buddy - big brother Brandon, who was 13 when you were born.

Bailey loves to read you stories.

At Disneyworld, age 2 1/2.

You love to make wacky faces for pictures!

For several months you wore your full Sunday suit all day, every day, everywhere. You called yourself "secret agent super spy guy."

Preschool picture from this year.