More Mother's Day Thoughts

On Mother's Day Sunday Bailey was asked to consider the following question and present her thoughts to her Young Women class:

 "Please talk about the influence your grandmother (your Mom's Mother) had in your Mom's life and how that influence has impacted your life and your relationship with your Mom."

This assignment generated a wonderful discussion and afterward I found I wanted to record some of my thoughts about the influence of my mother in my life.

A picture from the wonderful trip Dan and I took with my mom and dad last fall

These are a few of the things that I learned from my mother which have had a profound effect upon me:

Education

From my mother (and my maternal grandmother and great-grandmother) I learned and internalized the value of education. Both the education you get in school and the always-wanting-to-learn-something-new type of education. Each of these women was and is intellectually curious and intelligent. 

 My mom made learning a principal value in our home. One of my earliest memories involves being read to and looking through the stacks of books in our home. Many of the books were from the Moses Lake Public Library which we visited weekly. We were each allowed to check out one book for each year of age (8-year-olds checked out 8 books, etc.).  I remember looking forward to turning one year older so I could add another book to my pile. 

When we visited the library we didn't just breeze through quickly or pick up "hold" library books, the way we sadly do much of the time these days. No, instead we pushed through the heavy glass doors and then each of us gravitated to our own section of the library (children and teen section to the right, adults to the left) and gathered a pile of possibly interesting books. We planted ourself in a comfy spot (my favorite was the old clawfoot bathub lined with carpet scraps), and immersed ourselves in a story in the hushed quiet of the library for an hour or more. 

A few years ago when I visited Moses Lake I walked into the library which has not changed at all since 1970 (that's kind of a problem - it badly needs an update).  Immediately I was drawn back in time 35 years to when I would look at the shelves of books like a hungry child looks at a buffet. I knew, I just knew that there was so much to discover, so many lands and times to explore, and I knew that reading was my passport to amazing things my small-town-girl-mind could scarcely imagine.  I share this love of reading (and the ability to basically speed read), emphasis on learning, and intellectual curiosity with my mother. 

My mom exemplified this thirst for learning and desire for further education when she went back to school in her 30s and eventually completed her Master's degree at age 40.  

"I can figure that out"

My mom has always had the desire to learn new skills and information and has had the confidence that she can figure out pretty much anything if she approaches it in the right way (learning higher levels of math in her master's program tested this principle, but she survived). This is how she does it: she identifies something she wants to do/learn, researches it to death, culls through the knowledge she has gained, and emerges with either new mastery of a subject or the training necessary to attempt a new skill. 

Anything she tries to do she does well. She continually improves any environment she is in. She is an expert seamstress, decorates her homes like a design professional, has attempted and has mastered many assorted skills over the years (decorative painting, canning and other food preservation, financial investing, needlework, photography, and so many more).  Mom and Dad are very similar in their fearlessness about what they decide to learn and do, and they have created a heritage of intrepidness and excellence. They are a great team. 

They have imbued this principle in each of us children. However, none of us has attempted to build a house with virtually no prior knowledge or experience like our parents did in the late 70s, but we are all fearless in our own smaller ways!

I am not and will never be as accomplished as my mother in almost anything, but I have learned that I can learn to do (at least passably well) whatever interests me. When I wanted to learn how to garden many years ago I did what I had seen my mom do: I researched it. After reading many books and talking to smart gardening people I tried gardening and was not dissuaded by my lack of experience. I feel this way about most things - I think the key is knowing how to find information and taking the time to understand it.

Never an idler be

Determine never to be idle. No person will have occasion to complain of the want of time who never loses any. It is wonderful how much can be done if we are always doing.Thomas Jefferson

My mom is a do-er. She is incredibly productive and avoids idle time wasters. What I remember as a kid is that she didn't watch, read, listen to, or engage in things that were frivolous and a waste of time. She didn't read tabloids - waste of time (and stupid and full of lies to boot). She didn't watch soap operas or game shows (but Great-Grandma Bailey did watch game shows, and I loved being "wicked" and watching the evening line-up at her house!) I really never saw her lounging around unless she was sick or was focused on a book. She was usually moving quickly through the house and she always had a plan for dinner and several projects she was working on.

Because of this attitude, she accomplished so much. Have I mentioned that our house was almost always clean?  I'll talk more about that in a minute, but I'm really amazed how uncluttered our house was because I am constantly fighting the clutter monster in my home.

I don't know if I can adequately explain how much this attribute has incorporated itself into my psyche. I probably interpret "time waster" different than my mom did in the 1970s, but I really try to avoid silly, frivolous, non-redeeming-value activities. I like to multi-task in what I hope are good ways. I listen to uplifting talks/Conference talks/NPR science and money podcasts while doing mundane things around the house or yard or driving alone in the car. I also like to be involved and busy and try to be organized. I compulsively re-work my to-do lists and I LOVE crossing things off the list (or deleting them, as now my list is on my phone). And I have a hard and fast rule about TV: I want to rarely have my children see me zoning out to the TV. In fact, I hate to EVER be seen sitting down and watching TV unless we are all sitting down together watching a movie. That surely must come from my mother.

Order and Cleanliness, and the kids are involved

My childhood home was one of order and cleanliness. Like I said, I truly wish that I could manage a home nearly as well as my mother did. We just didn't leave things lying around to clutter up the home, at least not for long. I have to admit that I have failed in passing this along to my children. They leave many things out and then forget about them . . . forever.  

I have to say that, as for cleanliness, my mom did much to keep things clean, but my memories about ME learning to clean really are of my dad. He is a great cleaner and he patiently but without much mercy taught each of us kids to clean the right way every time. I still remember my dread and anticipation as I waited for my dad to inspect my Saturday chores.

My mom and dad both constantly enforced chore charts, and now that I have been in charge of implementing chore charts for my own kids for 20 or so years I recognize that it is HARD to be consistent. Somehow they were. We always had daily and Saturday chores, and chores always had to be done before any fun on the weekend. End of story. 

I remember angrily vowing to my Dad that I would never be glad that I knew how to sweep a floor the correct way, but instead I have been grateful many, many times that I learned how to clean and that I learned how to work hard.  I hope, I really hope that I am teaching my own kids to work hard.  

Frugality

“There is no dignity
quite so impressive,
and no independence
quite so important,
as living within your means.” 

Calvin Coolidge

I learned to be frugal from the example of my mother and my father. They have scrimped and saved and prepared for the future all of their lives. Because of this, they have peace of mind and some comforts at this stage of life.

My mom is a great money manager. It doesn't matter how much money she has, she will fight  for every deal and price break and is never taken advantage of by any hapless salesman. I like to think that I have incorporated some of this in my own approach to money. 

My patriarchal blessing talks about how I was born of "goodly parents," and I know that this is very true. I am very privileged to have such a wonderful mother and I am grateful for the many things that make her amazing. I know that I am the person I am today because of the the valuable things I learned in my childhood home.

Happy Mother's Day!